no swears o.0

go away. get out, you have overstayed your welcome. it is time for you to leave. to leave that place you have occupied in the back of my mind. to go out and enjoy the sun and not be cooped up in my head all day and night. ill be calling the cops if you do not leave. but they will think I’m crazy. am i crazy? are you even real or a creation. a creation of perfection. something i formulated then manipulated till it was immaculate. you and your smile, your chuckle, for you do not laugh. your labyrinth eyes for which i am lost in, once i gaze upon the green and brown swirls.your arms and your shoulders, your legs and your chest. everything about you is…is…there is no word perfect enough. but while i am lost in my body. my mind and my soul.  its is my grieving heart that wakes me from my coma, it wakes me up and slaps me twice. till all i see of you is an asshole. who doesn’t talk to me or anyone anymore. who left without saying goodbye. oooh how i resent that and i will never forget that. and i will always remember that. and i will always think about that. and think about that. and think about that. over and over again and again. until i forget about that. that one incident or was there more before. i don’t remember, why would i remember. i try to remember only the good stuff.and forget about the unsatisfactory. and from here on. i classify you as unsatisfactory and inferior. and i will sleep tonight without you running through my dreams. and i will sleep forever. and you will not once cross my mind. but maybe ill cross yours, and you might remember me.

You cannot and will not clap.

You can’t clap during writing class.

Its taking the snap out of creativity,

its like taking cake out of a fat persons diet.

You can’t clap during writing,

Its changing tradition,

and ruining our past.

That loud obnoxious clap

is like an elephant THUNDERING down our path.

 

The mellifluous snap is a gentle sound, a respectful sound.

a sound that is calm and collected.

the noise is controlled and my sanity protected.

You clap during writing class,

and friends off for life.

I’ll delete you off Facebook,

and screw me being nice

 

So snap loud and snap proud

if you have nothing to fear

but the tradition that lies in

Room 251.

 

( In my Creative Writing class we have a few loud and obnoxious people who made a point to clap really loud when someone finished reading their piece. Now, i disagreed with their clapping. finger snapping has been a tradition in writing class for more than 5 years, and these hooligans wanting to break that tradition. i wouldn’t stand for it, so i wrote this piece of slam poetry and presented it to the class. and guess what, after i presented it these obnoxious assholes stood up, clapped and wooed as loud as they can. but, my poem was enough to convince the teacher to stand up and tell them that clapping was not allowed.   its not that i dont like clapping. its just in writing class. you do not clap, you snap.)

the emptiness in those red and dreaded halls

wow, did school ever feel empty. i guess with a lack of amazing people that's what happens. not to worry i still have some awesome people in my classes.
sad thing was: i completely forgot you guys all left, and when i got to school at 8:15 i was expecting a little more people to be on the steps than just me. and then at 8:30 i was still alone. waiting for someone to join me on the steps. and they did. maybe not right away but they noticed me and they came and sat by me. and it felt great!!!!!
what i can tell from the first day back at school is that:
there will be a new crush,
there will be a conflict
there will be an awesome time in creative writing,
there will be great friendships
new and old
band will be odd. i cant express that enough, there is going to be about 8 flutes including me and sierra << the only seniors.
french 11 is going to be great.
english 12 will be tough, but im confident i can do it.
creative writing is so utterly amazing i had to mention it twice
my spare will be fantastic
its going to be a good year.
as for grad pranks.. they have already begun!

wish me luck.

ahhhhhh. school starts tomorrow. how weird is that going to be.

great…

And now your gone… without so much of a good bye. but guess what i don’t care. well i do care and it is killing me right now. but for the sake of keeping me sane. i am trying to convince myself that I'm fine with you not talking to me, that I'm fine with you leaving and not saying good bye. but you are only gone for four months before you will be back for Christmas break. bah.

on another note. Molly my beloved Cat. I've had her for as long as i can remember. we bought her to Canada. my best friend. is gone. without a trace. and again i didn't say goodbye to her. because i got kicked out/ i walked out. either one, she is gone. she might come back. she might be locked in someone's garage right now, or she might be round someone’s house chilling like a villain. or she might be in the stomach of a cougar. or mangled on the side of the road. who knows. i just really want her back. more than anything right now. i love you Molly.

well good news is. my mum is letting me go home. so i don't have to stay at my dad’s anymore. school is like the day after tomorrow. I'm so excited to see my friends. and possibly make new ones. i have 2 palm bays left. anyone want to hang out sometime??? ooh good news. my rank at the dub is getting higher. i have been given 2 opening shifts next week. and after i get my third opening shift i will be given a key to the dub. and i will be opening the dub by my lonesome at 6 in the morning… yay.

recently i have been trying to write some decent slam poems. because next year I'm determined to have an open mic at the school. i want to blow people away with my magical spoken word. but. it hasn't been going good lately and I haven't been able to get into the rhythm of writing it. i need something inspiring to happen. hmm this gives me an idea. anyway. when i finish this master piece ill post it on here for you to read.

oh and one last thing. i have to start seeing my counsellor again…

it is 11:40pm and Sherlock is signing out.

will you?

If i hold the gun,

will you help me pull the trigger?

If i tie the knot,

will you push away the chair?

If i slide the blade across my wrists,

will you leave me there to bleed?

If i tell you that I'm not strong enough,

will you dose me up with steroids?

will you hold me close and wont let go?

will you turn your back and walk away?

will you leave me there to cry?

will you leave me there to cry?

i bet you would…

bah

What a great start to September. so not only did i get kicked out…BUT i also forgot that  i work, and by chance i called and asked when i worked next and they were like. “…your supposed to be workin like now…where are you?”  so i raced to work. and was 15 minutes late ><  and at work i also managed to knock a tub of mayo off the counter. slam my finger in several tills. had a cup of milkshake erupt on me. knocked over a broom about a hundred times. slipped on the wet floor. walked into the door. and embarrassed myself in front of some customers by getting my words muddled up so i didn’t make ANY SENSE WHAT SO EVER. yah. i would consider myself an emotional wreck. I feel like a ragdoll, life has tossed me about and left me behind in the rain.

but its okay.

This Saturday, i have plans with a few of my best friends to grab some Timbits and sit by the beach, before they leave  for Calgary. hopefully it works out. man i’m gonna miss you guys!!

oh fuck…

Got into a fight with my mum yesterday. The fight started about me burning dinner then ended with me packing my bags and leaving. But I've finally done what the counsellor was trying to get me to do at the start. and that was to tell my mum that i was seeing a counsellor but the problem was… that really upset her. really.yeh i feel bad about how i told her. but when your upset and frustrated you don't really have much control over what you say.  i kind of don't know what to do right now. after i told her i didn't want to live in that house anymore, she told me to go live with my dad. (i don't get along with my dad at all) i said fuck that. and i walked out, i don't have a cell, so i walked to the school and used their Wi-Fi on my iPod touch to get in contact with my friend. i then went to her house and we went driving. meanwhile mum and dad were driving around trying to find me, and my sister was texting all of my friends asking them where i was. whatever. then at around midnight i show up at my dads house. no not house one bedroom apartment. and slept on the couch. and now I've stolen his bed and he is at work.

I'm stuck. what do i do?  i could stay here for a bit but eventually i will have to go back. i could go back now and apologise and stay. or i can go back pack all my stuff and run. i don't really want to run until i get my diploma. i don't want to stay at my dads one bedroom apartment, maybe i will for a couple more nights, until I've fully calmed down. then ill go back. You are probably reading this and thinking what a selfish pig i am. and i probably am. no i don't want to think i am. and i know i have problems but compared to others they are miniscule. maybe its because I'm weak and i cant handle life's problems or maybe its because i blow them out of proportion. i don't know. but what i do know is that life sucks. nothing good ever happens to people who are alive. you might think it does, you might think that winning the lottery was amazing but what did you have to do to get there what about when you blow all your money in one hit and now your homeless. you might think life is fantastic because you have the best friends that live close to you, but what happens when one of those friends move away. when most of your friends move away. what happens if one of those friends died.  you cant win at this game of life we play.  because eventually your playing piece will fall off the board and that's it. game over for you.

Am i being too pessimistic? maybe. yes. i hate being pessimistic. i could say. yes great. life is sooo awesome, because now i get to spend quality time with my father… but you’d all know i would be lying. its 1:48pm and i am going to fall back asleep before i write too much for you guys to read… fuck

This is a little out of date, but i wanted to see how epic windows live writer was…and its epicness cannot be described with words!

		The Tales of William Shakespeare VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

YOU. What’s your problem?

i guess that's why they invented alcohol. to avoid awkward video game parties. i really get the feeling of being loved when i’m around my friends. things like “noooooo Thomas is coming.” and “well im not picking him up.” are the things i hear in the background when i call to see where the party was. and then when i get there. YOU don't even say “hi” or “hey” or “what’ up.” you completely ignored me. completely. i was biting my tongue the entire time you were there, and then when you left there was  no goodbyes. dude that was the last time that i am going to see you for like three fucking months. everyone else who left gave out a couple of hugs to people and told them that they would be missed. but you, you get up off the couch.state the fact that you are leaving then leave. and as you walk up the stairs you shout. “goodbye everyone.”  maybe you react differently to different situations. maybe you got in your car and bawled your eyes out on your drive home. maybe your lying in bed regretting not saying a proper goodbye. maybe. or maybe your a heartless soul who plays video games, watches porn and works. 

hmmm, i wonder. there was someone else. someone who gave me an unexpected hug, someone who walked me out of the house, someone who wished me a safe walk home, and someone who smiled when i walked in. maybe just maybe. no Thomas get that out of your head!!!!!!!

in movies you always see the person who falls in love, you see the person who doesn’t like the person who fell in love with them, and then there is the person on the side. the perfect one, the one who likes the one who falls in love.  life is full of too many “what if’s”  and “maybe’s”

All i really know is that i am staying in Invermere for one more whole year, i will be staying with four of my best and quite possibly my only friends. those of which i will be going to school with. band is going to be really weird…wait no. school is going to be really weird, its going to feel empty. but i will survive. i have some pretty cool teachers on my schedule. i also have a nice linear spare. which is going to be my me time and if someone wants to join so be it, they can join me. i am going to attempt to read the inheritance cycle again. ad so when the fourth and final book comes out in November i wont have to rush and read them.  <<<gosh I'm so excited. I'm also quite excited for Pottermore. mainly so i can officially know what house I'm in, i kinda hope its ravenclaw or gryffindor.  no offence but i hope to god it aint hufflepuff.