Gorgeous

This is the beautiful Elisha.

AAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[insert really deep reason as to why i am screaming? squeeing? here]

pink day?

|why did i not wear pink on pink day? it’s not because i don’t have any pink clothes, i have a perfectly fine pink t-shirt. no. in my many years of high school i have decided that pink day is just a day where bullies go all out wearing pink as if they are repenting their sin’s.

don’t get me wrong i know not everyone who wears pink is a bully, and some people actually mean it when they wear pink.  I’m just talking about the people who have bullied me.

Since grade three i have been bullied, i was teased, i had my lunch stolen. i was never physically beaten up it was always more of a mental/verbal type thing. so i changed school. i eventually changed country.

still i was bullied. might i add it got considerably worse when i came to Canada, i was introduced to a new word. faggot. grade seven was a hard year. i finally got to the high school and i thought it would be better because of pink day. i thought there was no bullying because of all the people who wore pink. boy was i wrong.

i have tried to repress many of my memories of being bully but one always comes back to haunt me.

it was grade eight gym class, we were playing basket ball. i was sitting on the bench when a bunch of guys, there was about six of them came up to me. it was nearly the end of class, and that net thing was pulled across the gym. the teachers were on the other side. these boys came up to me and surrounded me, my back was against the wall. they shoved their crotches in my face and told me to suck their lollipops. then they kept tormenting me until we were told to get changed. there has been many of these types of incidents but the one thing that struck me the most is that…

These guys were the ones who dressed the most flamboyantly on pink day. they wore their sister’s pink tank tops and pyjama pants and pink cowboy hats. it made me sick. it still does.

i honestly think it is wrong to bully someone then go to school on pink day and pretend it never happened.

something is definitely wrong in this equation, i think all this anti bullying campaigning is wonderful. but it doesn't work. instead of trying to stop the bullying i think we need to be more supportive to the victims.

Bullying will never end. it is everywhere. and it always will be.

one more butterfly.

i can’t do this anymore. it hurts to much to breathe. i feel like everything i do is wrong. I'm sorry for being ignorant and immature. I want my molly. i want  to be loved, and not just in the best friend, brother, son way. i want physical affection. i want to be loved and love them back. i want someone i can talk to, and doesn't get upset if i call them to much. but what is too much? i want someone who likes the sound of my voice and not just because of my accent. i want someone, and I'm not going to get someone here. so… i just have to be patient i guess, and try not to kill myself.

Edgar- the salamander

HE IS SOOOO CUUUUUTE!

I found Edgar when i was walking my dog this morning. he was on the side walk and he was “dying” so i picked him up and took him home. took many pictures of him then set him free. i love you Edgar!!!!!!

it is time.

I have deactivated Facebook. why? partly because you piss me off and because i feel like i don’t need and will be better off without it. it isn’t a necessity. great weekend; i went kayaking and had a blast! we had a massive water fight, and i pushed my boss and the assistant manager into the water and got them soaked >.< we had a whale of a time. then we went back to boss mans house and had a barbeque and boss man asked me if i was interested in becoming a supervisor. i was like “yes of course i am!!!!!”  then he told me that he was going to put up a sheet for people to sign up then we have an interview and he picks the best person for the job. I'm really excited, i think i have a really good chance of getting the position. getting the position would give me extra responsibilities and no doubt a pay rise! and probably more hours. I'm really excited. tomorrow is the dance, in which i am also excited for. but for now i will read, think of you, and eventually fall asleep. goodnight blogger.

if i was a cat, I’d be dead.

i would really love to delete Facebook, and not have a Skype. so that people would have to call me if they wanted to talk to me or write me a letter, but i know no one will call me and I’ll only get letters from one person. so i think it would be more upsetting if i did delete these forms of communications with the outside world, so i won’t. the other thing is the curiosity that you may have replied to my message i sent you a week ago, you still haven’t and you have been on Facebook multiple times since. so chances are you deleted the message, and forgot about me. so this guy here still aimlessly goes on Facebook and Skype to see if anyone wants to talk to me, hoping that someone commented on my status or at least liked it, and wishing for a number other than zero in the little red speech bubbles on the top left hand side of the page. i have a sad sad life. je suis aller kayak demain, je suis tres excite. je suis tres fatigue mais  je ne peut pas dormir. je souhaite tu serait parler avec moi, je tu manques.   maybe that made sense maybe it didn’t. i like talking french even though i am no good at it >.<

i listen to this when I’m sad. i think you should too :)

let’s try this.

hmm. i think this might work, and make me feel better. i was “tumbling” and i found this “thing” its a set of instructions for when you feel like cutting yourself. usually i ignore the urge and i bottle it up and then at a later date the bottle explodes and shit goes down. so now every time I feel the need to cut myself instead of bottling it up or waiting for someone to come online so i can talk to them, I'm going to draw a butterfly in sharpie on my wrist and give it a name of someone i love. that way i wont want to cut myself because i will be killing the butterfly as for the names it makes it more personal. so maybe. this will work. I’m feeling pretty good about it right now.

I’ve got It

i will get a diploma in photography and then I'll run away and join the circus.!.