phew

things are getting better. wow. i sound bipolar on this blog. i get my blood tests back on thursday. :/ breathe. i like the words inhale and exhale/. that is all.

colon and a closing bracket

i want you to talk to me right now. just say “hey” like you do. it would still make me smile. it always does.  but you’re not going to are you. its okay really.

thanx

Thanks for the offer guys, but you have families too. even if your families aren’t there either, i really don’t know what to say.  i don’t know what to do. I would be better off alone, so maybe i should be. i may be over reacting. but i don’t give a fuck. clearly i haven’t killed myself yet so I’ll be fine.

I’m so dramatic. I’m so over reacting. I’m so self conscious about the way  i feel right now. fuck

shoulda saw that coming.

If I’m not at school tomorrow. you will find me in my room. a rope tied around my neck and me hanging from my light. stupid thing about that is my light wouldn’t support my weight. i guess I’m just stupid. I’ll just hide now.

I’m sooooo tired of this. It’s soooo stupid. happens every time. I’m sick. sick of working. sick of school. sick of all the excitement over christmas. sick of life i guess.

I HATE CHRISTMAS

i hate it. well this christmas mostly. first one without my cat. first one without my sister. first one without my dad. first one without my brother. just me and mum. but she might go somewhere to celebrate it. I’ll spend christmas alone with my dog. I asked my boss if i could work. but AW isn’t open :/

FUCK

as if this happened again.

really?!?! you're kidding me right? i don't think this can get anymore perfect. squee.
i don't know what to say.
i don't know what to do.
all i know is that.
I think i'm in love with you.

don't you worry, I'll wait for you. :)

i really don't want to wait any longer. so i don't think i will. see you tomorrow?

well. I am going to start this blog post with saying. "i no longer want to kill myself." -yay!!! well. so much has happened. first of all. I am happy :) okay. so winter formal was great. i could of danced with you forever, but as you said. everyone was staring, but cuddling with you on the couch was just as great!!! I want to ask you out, but at the same time i am worried too, not because i don't think you would say yes, and not because i am worried about what people will think or say. but because every relationship where i have asked, it basically went to shit. no offence, or anything. but seriously. they have. and if we were to date, it isn't going to be a summer fling, a weekend fuck(although that would be nice :P) no i want something that would last longer than a couple of months, no i don't really want forever. maybe. the word forever scares me, because well you have to be really committed and i'm sporadic, very sporadic. anyway. i really like you :) i really really really like you. erm. what else happened that is worth mentioning...this morning i was thinking about all my accomplishments, and i was like. "Thomas you are an idiot for thinking you are useless, i mean look at everything you have done." "I mean you are graduating a year earlier than you should be, you are 16 and a supervisor at AW, you moved across the world and lost every friend you ever made aside for one. you also made new ones!. you have more than 5 pictures published in a magazine, you won a short story competition and got an amazing reward. might i also mention the number of solo's you get in band. And yeh you might have had a little accident and as llary would say. "you imploded." that has only made you more stronger. or it was the zoloft that made you stronger...anyway. Thomas you are great. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you too.! " that was my internal monologue this morning while i was showering. thought i'd share...there happy Jacob>?

squee

ZOHMYGOD

I have been so ecstatic the past few days. i have nothing to say.