Gossip circles

So this blog is turning out to be kind of depressing
Gossip circles 
I'm so fucking angry I don't know how to word this.
These gossip circles which everyone is apart for except for me; who finds out about the gossip when my sister is telling me what people don't want me to hear or if I'm being asked not to be myself around that person because she has boyfriend I didn't even know she had a boyfriend and she is my best friend why am I not worthy to know this stuff are you embarrassed of me. Are you afraid of what I might do, say or think. I just want to know to learn. That is all I won't pester you or make you feel bad, when I find out about stuff that "friends" should tell each other and they don't tell me it hurts so much inside. It makes me think why bother I mean do they even like me or do they talk to me for the sake of not being alone. that is how I feel alone, forgotten, like a tiny mouse dead under a foot of snow not many knows its there and if they do hey don't care about it. That is how I feel.