After a great night. full of super 8, owling, candy, shooting stars and being with a few of my best friends, and not thinking about you. you still manage to creep into my mind. as you always do. I'm done thinking about you, I'm fed up. i have had enough. its like, whenever i grab a glass of water i see your face standing beside me getting the ice cubes out of the freezer. whenever i sit in the passenger side of a car i see your face staring intently on the road as you drove in silence. whenever i lie down i see you putting on your glasses and lying down beside me and falling asleep. what is with you.
Why must you taunt me constantly, you don't even talk to me anymore, you sit on Skype and when i say hi, I'm still waiting for a reply when you sign out and go offline. we went boating and you didn't even try to start a conversation. you just stared out the side of a boat and when i talked you replied with one word answers. what happened, we used to stay up till 2 in the morning talking because we had so much to say to each other. and now the only words you reply with are… “yeh” and “mhmm” i understand your leaving. but not forever, you have Christmas break off, and your reading break. your only three hours away for Christ's sake. and your back in April. what the hell. whatever maybe I'm not worth it, maybe i am really annoying as everyone has said. maybe you dread my phone calls like many others do, i don't call that often either, 4 times this month if i have counted right. and 2 of those were to ask if you would go running with me, and the other 2 was me organising the boating trip that you were really excited about. or was you? can you fake emotions? probably…
And now I'm sitting here alone in my house, because my family is going to calaway park without me because i have to work. whatever, they will have so much more fun without me. they always do. and guess what your on Skype, and I'm not going to talk to you, unless you talk to me first. summer is officially over. as of today, i have no more summery plans, nothing left to look forward to other than school, and I'm dreading school. everyone leaves this week. but i have been told by my best friend that i need to forget them for now, so I'm not miserable when i spend times with the friends that stayed. <<paraphrased. yeh.
whatever, i really don't need you, i mean at first you were someone i could tell everything to, and i did over time (maybe that was the problem.) at first you were my best friend and i was yours. i remember how i felt when a broken sparrow told me, that you told her i was one of your best friends. it bought the biggest smile to my face. at first you were an inspiration. an inspiration to eat healthy, to exercise, to do well in school. you were good at all of those. i remember feeling proud of myself when i ate breakfast, lunch and dinner for a whole month, i remember feeling proud of myself when i gained around 10lbs, i remember feeling proud of myself when i could do 10 pull ups, 5 less than you. but now, i haven't eaten a healthy meal in forever. i haven't eaten breakfast in a month, i haven't eaten dinner in a week, and i haven't eaten lunch in forever. I've only eaten when i worked at the dub. and there i only ate a burger or two. i haven't gotten any exercise, i walk to work and that's about it. the only runs i have gone one have been the runs you took me on. i haven't been working out, doing insanity at all. and as for school… lets hope i don't quit at that too. its not just you though. this lack of motivation is from others as well, others that should be much closer to me. these others put me down at everything i do. but whatever. i thought i loved you, i guess it was just a feeling. a feeling that no longer exists.
No comments:
Post a Comment