loser

i just need three more blog posts then my work of art is finished...

woah fucking asians!!!

No offence.
but they travel in packs ranging from 10- 30
they take all the chicken they see on the menu
they take up half the dining room
and...
the leave an incredible mess.
BUT
this one Asian came in with the coolest hair he looked like some anime character off of Naruto or something
AND... he had the characteristics of one too,
like i didn't want to serve him in case he pulled out a samurai sword beneath his trench coat...yes he had a trench coat. he kinda scared me.

ACK

tomorrow is August.
which means....
one more month to spend with the majority of my friends before they leave too fulfill their dreams.
...
i promise i wont cry, i remember 2 years ago, when the same thing happened. i balled my eyes out. not in front of anyone. but behind my closed bedroom door. music blasting. so no one would hear. i have a feeling this year might be slightly worse.

but can i do it.
ive been having a hard time believing in myself lately.

crying does release serotonin. so maybe it isnt such a bad idea crying myself to sleep.

i know an even better idea. lets not even think about it until september. lets spend this month getting drunk. having fun. going out. hanging out. watching movies. eating food. camping. and all the awesome things i like to do with the people i love.
then.
when september comes. ill have four days before you leave... and. and. i really dont know how ill feel. lets hope i dont kill myself. ha ha ha...

inbetween the lines

hidden.
in between those lines
no one can see you
feel you
smell you
your alone. isolated.
with no one to talk to
to touch
to be with.
misery is your most common emotion.
but sometimes you settle for love
for you can see all those who walk past
you can touch all those who seem to care
and you can smell the ones you long for.
yet they still cant see you.
but in the midst of the loneliness.
something moves in the shadows behind you,
someone you love
someone who has broken through the twisted, jagged spires of loneliness
and has come to save you from your everlasting heart ache
you greet the person slowly with open arms,
unsure whether it is real or a hallucination
if you are able to grab them
to hold them
to touch them
you know they are real, and you are free
but if you trip and fall right through them
your back at square one.
alone.
and
ignored.

the ratio's

Thomas 1 : 0 customers
Thomas 1 : 0 boredom
Thomas 0 : 1 mosquitoes
Thomas 1 : 0 leg muscles
Thomas 1 : 0 wrists
Thomas 1 : 0 depression
Thomas 1 : 0 sleep
Thomas 0 : 1 bedroom
Thomas 1 : 0 food
Thomas 1 : 0 shower
Thomas 0 : 1 boredom......
Thomas 0 : 1 ratios
Thomas 0 : 1 making sense
wow this sounded much better when i thought about it on my way to work...

fame. but not how i want it

oh mah gud. so you probably saw my facebook status last night at like 1 in the morning or something like that on how there was two strange drunk guys in my living room. anyway. we were all in the living room talking and whatnot, they were drinking some vodka mixed slushie i had a bottle of water and we were listening to music. (fun) we did that till 4 in the morning. then at 4 am someone decided it was a good idea to go to tim hortans. well the drunk guys had driven here in their truck, so they drove us all to timmies ( i know, never get in a vehicle with a drunk driver. i didnt want to go, but i got pressured into it.) we drove up to timmies and got food ><  prrretty sure we got reported because there was five kids in a truck, blasting rude songs with an "N" on the back >.< derp well they gave us our doughnuts and the driver was like im not leaving without our stuff... we had already got given our food, so when we convinced him we had our sstuff there was a line up. so he steps on the gas and we go flying over the curb. people in the back was screaming. we ran a red light. i was trying to tell him to calm down. anywho. we spilt the coffee everywhere. then he was like oh better clear it up. so he like pulls (-extreme illegal stunt which i am not going to post, but i was fully against it and dying in the back seat-)  anyway we got home after driving round all the streets creating a ruckus. we sat and ate our doughnuts then at 5 we got bored again. so we go out for another drive. this one was not good either. he was even more drunk than before. we go down to wilmer to his place then, he takes westside. nearly drove off the cliff/ hill thingy. then takes a back road to some place sooo sketchy. anyway we killed like 2 hours and we decided we wanted breakfast. so we pull into A&W at 6:45am. it opens at 7. we sit through the drive thru. with music really loud. for 20 minutes. before someone came to the window and took our order. okay then. (two drunk guys are sitting in front.) when we were driving home the driver told us he was driving home with his eyes shut and drunk in passenger seat would steer...... we got to sobeys before we were screaming at him to open his eyes because there was cars everywhere and we had to take that sharp turn right. so he opens his eyes and pushes the break. (he still isnt steering and he doesnt until we get to our house to reverse in.) then. we kinda ate breakfast and talked some more,. then everyone left. and I am "cleaning up" >< FYI noone got hurt. slight destruction of property. we didnt get caught. and we are all alive. i have to admit the adrenaline rush was pretty sick. and no i still dont fully agree to what we did. but you gotta have a little danger right?

Oh fuck it

from here on, i am not going to give a two hoots and a flying fuck. when someone yells at me. ill shrug it of. when someone  swears at me. ill ignore it. when someone blames something on me. i wont care. thats it. i dont give a fuck anymore ><

rhyming sentences

I have a smile,
Indeed it took a while,
But its planted on my face,
The frown is gone without a trace,
Ill see you in a bit i guess,
Woah...better clean up this mess.

yellow green and blue.

sorry about the extremo depressing previous post. but im better now. thanks to someone who is truly amazing. i will never forget that stupid osprey who never caught that darn fish. and the bats flying around us, as we sat at the edge of the dock. the lake was fogging up. it was the creepiest shit i've ever seen. trash talking many people we dislike. it was fun. very fun ><

once upon a time....if only

he wants to stop

             but he can't

he is addicted to it.

                     he's fine when he's with

                                    someone

             its just.

                       when they leave

and the door

                  closes

                                         the feeling of loneliness

seeps through the cracks

             takes over his mind

controls him

                uses him

                         hurts him

                                    breaks him

       till nothing is  l

                           e

                           f

                           t

                         but

blood soaked sheets

            and

tear stained pillows

                       and a shaky hand

                                     resting a

                                        bloody blade 

on his 

bedside table

   with a broken heart full of broken promises

       and a doctors appointment card ripped up on the floor.