I'll bang your congo if you shake my morroca

That really hurt. everything hurts. way to completely ditch me.
oh and how to tell if you are my best friend: you have broken something valuable to me. lol. honestly it is okay. I am not going to fret over accidents. accidents happen i was born wasn't i? anyway...
I am really debating going to this party. you upset me. and i dont want to see you. if i go i will have to see you. and anyway i have to go to cranbrook tomorrow and i have to work tonight. going will just make things complicated and i think i'm getting sick anyway.
fuck.

mrow. i did it. stupid thing to do really. prepare for awkward silence. oh well. I'll try not to be too much of a flirt.gah. i can't wait to start my own adventure. i want to meet new people. there aint nothing wrong with you guys but i just want to get out. and do stupid things infront of strangers knowing that i will never see them again. I want to make someones day, someone i don't know. i want to get over people i cant have and love the people i can. be patient Thomas. soon something will happen. soon.

Walking bare feet in the snow feels far warmer than the looks you give me these days.

what do i say to that?

alone.

kay this being alone on holidays thing isn’t working out for me I’m not gonna be alone on new years eve or new years day cuz i have to work. but i swear if i am alone on valentines day i am going to kill something.

it shouldn’t be like that should it. (what have i done) when i ask you out you shouldn’t have to think about. well you are going to give me an answer before 2012. i hope its an answer that will make me smile (shit i have put myself in a stupid situation.) it probably isn’t but my magic 8 ball said that you would say yes. so maybe.

okay that was stupid. I didn’t get my photoshoot the woman never called back. so. i got all worked up over nothing.

i hate cooking. no i like it. i do. i just hate getting in the mood to cook something and realize you only have half of the ingredients. its stupid.

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I’m so difficult. and confusing. and one minute i want this and the next minute i change my mind. one minute i am super happy next minute i am depressed. is this bipolar disorder? i looked at the symptoms and i have most of them. sooo. not going to assume anything, if i am my dr would tell me right|? i hate doctors and counsellors. i probably shouldn’t lie to them should i? oh well.

i got new deoderant and it smells different and really good. you can’t smell it right now, but when you next smell it you will love it. i do

this is a long blog post about kind of nothing.

oh i have lots of books, so i will read.

P.s. did it really fucking shock you when i told you i was thinking about you? i do. quite a lot.

grr

ah.

yeh Christmas eve might of been, perhaps the worse night in a couple of months. i might of done something regrettable. but thats the past. christmas day was okay. we watched about 3 movies. I now really dislike tom felton. but he is sooo gah. kay, my brother got a justin bieber CD. lol i thought i was the queer one…. anyway. feeling pretty good. got an e reader. from my dad. then found out my mum had ordered one too…this could be awkward. so now i have to choose between them. my mums is purple…lol. can i have both? I will eventually have enough books probably. hah. whatever, i see you have a cell phone, guess what. i don’t really want it. do you know what. i don’t even want to date you. just kinda wanna make out and have a little sex. thats all. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK. horny teen over here okay… i guess i will just have to wait. i hate waiting…okay. sooooo. i am not going to ever spend Christmas eve alone ever again. it was really painful. tomorrow is my photoshoot. hopefully. kinda nervous. oh well i get money and experience out of it. so wish me luck!!!!! well, peace out. gotta go drink some tea.

panic attack over.

so my client called me just now to say that her daughter was running late. i told her that if she isn't going to be here by 5 we are going to get some terrible pictures. so we decided to do it on boxing day. that gives me time to go downtown get some special CD's for the prints and to breathe. also. the book bar is having a sale!!!!!!!!! i just got a paycheck :) woooo. i can breathe. christmas tomorrow :/ gotta wake up early and walk to my dads house. not excited. i got him a crock pot.lol i think i am going to give him that and something else. lol that was a bit mean.i lost my brothers christmas present. and i only have half of my mums. so Thomas didn't do very well this Christmas. there has been so much on my mind. oh yeh. one of my favourite fish died today. stripe. may you rest in peace. and before you tell me i'm a bad fish keeper. just stop. i did try my best. This past couple of weeks i was the best fish owner ever. yeh i joke around and told you i forgot to feed them. but i didn't i was just joking. so yeh. :( kinda sad, really happy. super excited. still a little worried. but i got this.

oh my goodness.

this is it. i have found it. mind you i didn’t need to look very far. Photography. you are all like durrr. but seriously. i love it. I love the sound of the shutter when i take the pictures. i love people smiling even if it is fake. i love seeing the pictures captured in my camera. i love looking at the pictures after its done. i love playing with the contrast and making it look AWESOME. i love forgetting the pictures and seeing them a couple of months down the road and feeling my jaw drop on how awesome i think they are. this is it. i have a photoshoot this afternoon. a million things went wrong. like running out of ink and not being able to print off the model release forms. ohh well. i am getting paid for this!!!!! should be fun. i will upload some pictures when i do print off the form and they sign it. just slightly freaking out. but whatever i have done this a thousand times with family and friends. i got this!!!

oh.

looks i like a will be spending christmas eve alone…but its okay, i am going to go on a LONG walk with my dog, pick up supplies for making people things. and i am going to get lost. while i am lost maybe i will find happiness. I’ am really sad now. why did you have to do that? “Oh yeh my parents said i could come, but I’m not going to.” Thanks you kinda broke me right there. fuck. i am wiped. 11 hours of work today. ready to go to bed. but i can’t. because i feel sick to the stomach. mrow.

find something i love

i have been told to find something i love to do…alone.

I am going to try and perfect my cooking. I can do it.

I am going to make people presents. RANDOMNLY

I am going to read my tarot cards more often. for the hell of it.

I am going to read. ALL the books.

I am going to write. in my new note book.

I am going to sing. to my favourite songs.

I am going to listen to music. when i am in my room.

mrow.