its not what you think

dear mysterious girl who is considering asking met out,
your friend came up to me and asked me what i think of you. i told her i liked you, i have had a crush on you and well. i would like to date you. its just that, me and relationships = bad idea. i dont know what it is but recently i have had no interest in dating anyone. at all. i wouldnt mind friends with benefits but not the status of dating. plus, what could you see in me. all i see is a lost boy with low self esteem, who has no desire to do anything spectacular, who is bad at keeping girlfriends, and is mostly an idiot at times. i dont know what it is that makes people like me. would it be my wierd personality? is it the fact that i pretend not to give a fuck about what people think about me? to be honest. i dont know, and if i met someone exactly like me, would i like them, or would i think "what an annoying kid that guy is" to me, i seem very annoying. calling my friends every now an then, constantly asking people to go on skype so i can talk to them. i dont have a cell phone, so i cant randomly text you and wait for a reply, we have to time it just right and both be online at the same time if we wanna talk. what about my speech filter...its kind of broke, i dont often think about what im saying and sometimes that can lead to very bad things. also your leaving arent you?? why does everyone have to leave? i dont want to date someone that is going to leave me, because likely i will fall in love then i will break and ive already gone through a pretty severe depression that lead to many nights crying myself to sleep and many other horrific scenes of self harm. so do i want to risk it? but saying that...will i be alone for the rest of my life because im to scared to break up with my partner. have i no faith? apparently not. anyway, im sorry
your truly,
Thomas.
P.s. i love you.