i hope you pick me.

i want to say “ wake up he aint worth it.” and i want to shout at you screaming, “i was your friend first.” but i wont because i know it hurts you. but guess what. it hurts me. it hurt me when you said this is going to be our last sleep over because HE doesn’t like it. so what if he doesn’t like it. yeh he may be your boyfriend and so what if you guys have dated for 10 months. i was your friend first. i liked you before he did. yeh i might have been to chicken shit to ask you out. and while i was in the process of working up the courage, he jumped ahead of me and beat me to it. you might remember it differently but that is how i remember it. there are many reasons why i don’t like that kid. that was the first. then there was more. and then i went round your house and saw how he treated you. how mad he got at you when you handed him some tac’s BUT there was a safety pin in the handful O.O. and watching him get mad over something so petty. was a slap in the face for me. and then from there. that promise ring he gave you. which you told me you were hesitant to take. and all those talks of marriage. it makes me sick to the stomach.  your fucking 16 you shouldn’t be pressured into dating some ugly as fuck control freak. its not fair. you need to get out date people your own age. have experience and wait. its a big world out there bubbles. there are almost 6.4billion to choose from. you don't have to pick that religious freak from a small town.

so i guess there is no more midnight walks. no more blanket forts then staying up all night watching movies. no more pancake breakfasts. no more staying up till midnight talking in the hot tub. and no more this and no more that. what happens when he says. i don't want you hanging out with Thomas. what will you do then? same thing as always. yes sir no sir three bags full sir. and then there will be no more us. can you imagine that? just think of the rest of high school without me. I'm not being modest or anything. just think. no crazy grad partner, no slippery dog walks down to the beach in the winter. no more running through sprinklers. no more splatter painting or tye dying. no more inside jokes. no more singing Gloria Gaynor at the top of our lungs. no more photo-shoots. no more golf  carting.

i may have a broken family and i personally don't have a car,   but when i am with you i am with you. not playing some fucked up video game.  so… i want to say “ me or him…” but i wont because that is being mean. and i know you are going to read this and it is quite possible that you will be in tears at the end. and i didn't want to upset you i just needed to release steam. but when he asks the question. “me or him?” i hope you pick me.