right now i feel as though my life revolves around the word “If” and i dislike it. “If” shouldn’t even be considered a word, it is just two letters, a pathetic little word that seems to control my life.
If i get accepted into the centre of arts and technology i will probably be staying with my psychic friend or in residence.
If i can get over my nervousness i may have a shot at applying for several scholarships.
If my talent is any good i may have a shot at life..
there are more “If’s” but i don’ feel like writing them all down…to much effort.
what i will write though is that, according to my mum, me being a photographer isn’t going to get me anywhere in life. there are too many photographers and ill just end up wasting all this money on a hobby. my grandad and her are even trying to convince me to do something else. what else can i do? i lack self esteem. the only thing i believe i am remotely good at is photography; and that isn’t going to get me anywhere. i could try writing but my writing is at a high school level and nowhere near a university level. English teacher is an option. but I'm pretty sure my 76% average in English isn't going to get me accepted. i lack the ability of science so that cancels a lot out. and trades…you cant see me doing trades. i could try modeling…but i aint good looking. dancer? got no rhythm. cook – it would either be raw or burnt. baker/ cake decorator – I'm not one to follow in my mother’s footsteps. stripper? still not “hot” enough. other options are working at a shop or restaurant for the rest of my days. bah. like that will happen. I'm clueless. I'm interested in bartending but i don't think you can go to university for that. it is my dream to go to Uni. i really want to go to university and get a degree or a diploma. that i will do. but in what…
Everything you're saying here is like a mirror image of what I was going through three years ago... Including the stripper part. :p Tey to remember, Thomas, that it's not a good idea to rush into a big, expensive commitment like school. I made that mistake.. And, your mom is right. Photography is hard. That's another mistake I made. And if you rely on that your income will almost definitely not be steady or impressive by any means. I don't mean to discourage you, but realistically, going onto art could be a huge struggle only to struggle more later too. My advice is go just get away once you're done highschool. Don't go into post secondary immediately - work, get some life experience (and money) under your belt. Nobody is sure what they really want to do with their lives when they're in their teens.. Stop stressing, you're not the only one lost. Take some time. And remember, you've luckily got some friends here that have already dealt with this uncertainty and living on their own, and we are all here for you. :)
ReplyDeletejust to let you know, there's no such thing as "university level" writing. the writing program here is built around the idea that everyone is brand new to writing. like taking the course is the first time anyone has written anything.
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